Kyo Yuy

I feel like the friends I’m at odds with right now are really amazing friends and I don’t want to lose them.

But I feel like if I keep trying to stay close to them I’ll end up really hurt and they’ll abandon me any way.

I’ve had friends toss me aside for better friends before. I mean let’s face it, I’m really boring. It isn’t hard for someone cooler to come by and sweep my friends away.

I don’t know what to do. Should I just walk away from them before they start walking away from me? Should I trust that my friends really do care about me a lot and love me and that they really value me, and I should keep trying to stay friends with them and work things out with them?

I have no idea.

I’m sick of losing friends.

But I’m also sick of friends pushing me aside for better friends.

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. Better cooler people ALWAYS appear and take my closest friends away. I’m just not fucking cool enough for anyone. I have no talents and no charm and NOTHING. People who are lonely will talk to me a lot and then I will do everything in my power to make them feel loved and important, and I introduce them to my friends and stuff like that, but as soon as they meet Awesome People (TM) it’s like I’m relegated to the backburner.

It’s all that chemistry bullshit. People build friendships and relationships with others on the basis of how well they click. Loyalty? Compassion? Caring? None of that really matters. If friends click well they click well and nothing I do can change that. If the guy has an awesome since of humor, has good looks, is a good dancer, or is charming, sorry Benson, you’re going in the “secondary folder.” That’s just the way life works, suck it up.

I want to just stop trying to form close bonds with people. If I don’t have close friends then I never have to be hurt by losing them again.

Though Kelsey says if I do that I’ll be lonely. But maybe I would be better off lonely forever than trying to form bonds only to end up utterly defeated and feeling SUPER LONELY.

Ah, hell if I know.

Someone wake me up when this nightmare ends.