Kyo Yuy

Dear Haley,

Lately I’ve been feeling pretty depressed. Not SUPER depressed, but I guess I’m bothered by the fact that ever since I met Mineh, it seems like our friends naturally gravitate toward him and think he’s amazing and super hot stuff. And it makes me feel really inferior, like I’m not awesome or anything.

I kind of insinuated that notion to Mineh, the fact that people always say he’s amazing and that people always talk to him and I seem to go unnoticed. But one thing he said to me really struck a chord:

minehatwork: Real compliments are when people listen to you
minehatwork: get to know you

And when I thought about it, I realized how true that really was. In many ways, when I think back to the past, and how some people communicate with one another, there are people who are extremely charismatic who can say amazing words and things to everyone. And the people who interact with these charismatic people often say that these people are really awesome and amazing.

Some people are really good crowd pleasers, and get tons of compliments, and fans, and admirers.

But are admiration, compliments, and “generic words,” signs of true friendship? When I think about it, it really isn’t.

It’s like they say. Actions speak louder than words. I guess lately I’ve been blind to it since I crave attention so much, but just because everyone looks up to and adores someone doesn’t mean they think that person is an awesome friend. And likewise, just because people aren’t constantly focused on me and talking to me doesn’t mean they don’t value my friendship.

It’s kinda like how my shoutouts work. A lot of these people I call out to, most of them I barely talk about if at all. However, each and every single individual I’ve called out (and people I WILL call out) has had a lasting impression on my life, and helped me in far greater ways than mere words could ever do. But yet these shoutouts may be some of the few times, if not the only times, I’ve ever REALLY thoughtfully written/said anything about them.

I think the same mentality can be applied to me too. Although very few people constantly compliment me and tell me how amazing I am, there are a lot of people who listen to me, and want to hear what I say, and ask me for help. And in some ways, isn’t asking me for help a sign that those people really trust me, and they really value me as a friend? It’s kinda like, when one time out of the blue Martha IMed me saying “Hey, we need your help hosting a party for Lauren, at this guy’s house.” At first I was a little bit offended and confused, because I didn’t even KNOW this guy friend of Martha’s, and I’m being asked to help get people to a TOTAL STRANGER’S house? My first reaction was to feel like I was being used.

But when I think about it further, it is in many ways a compliment. The fact that she feels I can do it. That she believes I have this charismatic power over people, that I have the organizational skills to set up a grand scale event whereas she and Jon do not feel that they can. Even though it was delivered bluntly, the meaning behind it is a more sincere, deep compliment than just some stranger on the street saying “You’re such a nice person.”

It’s also in a way, kinda like how the people at University Hospitals say I’m so wonderful and amazing. And I’m sure they mean it, but I mean all I do is talk to people and spend time with patients. I’m sure they think I’m awesome to have around, but I mean, I’m a VOLUNTEER, and I’m not paid to do what I do.

To extend Mineh’s idea, I guess there are obligatory compliments and then there are “real compliments.” When someone is really helpful, or does something you think is amazing, of course anyone would be inclined to say “Wow, that guy’s amazing,” or “That person’s done SO MUCH.” But then there are the real compliments, the ones I get from friends that don’t sound NEARLY as nice (and in some cases aren’t said at all), but yet on a deeper level mean so much. Showing up to my events, bringing stuff, listening to what I say, reading the stuff I write about, relying on me for everything, these little things, even though they are barely or not spoken at all, are signs that people DO really value me as a friend. I never wow people with what I do, and I don’t get compliments up the wazoo, but these little things that I do, I think people are very grateful for them even if they don’t say it.

At least, that is what I would like to believe. Several people have said that I am the glue that holds everyone together, and that if I stopped trying then people would slowly dissipate and the massive otaku group of friends that we’ve accumulated will slowly disperse. I don’t really know if that’s true or not. I don’t feel that I have any special powers or special charms.

But I do work my butt off to gather everyone together, to make each and every individual feel important, and to make sure that no one is ignored or neglected.

Deep down, I think, and I hope, that I have made a tremendous impact on a lot of people’s lives, and I like to believe that people’s lives would be significantly different right now had I not been a part of their lives.

One of my dreams is to make an impact on every individual’s lives. I hope I am already carrying out that dream.

- Benson