Kyo Yuy

Dear Haley,

Have you ever reached a very difficult juncture in your life and become totally confused as to what to do next? A lot has been weighing on my mind lately, and to be honest I’m not really sure what I should be doing right now.

One thing that I have become aware of recently, is that I lack SELF confidence. I can only believe in myself when I feel that others believe in me. This is a very dangerous way for me to live my life, because if I do not have people there to support me, I lose all confidence and retreat to a corner and hide. Although it also means that I will have a LOT of confidence when my friends and supporters around me, the opposite is true. And letting my mood be determined by the respect of my peers can be a very dangerous thing, as I have gone through many times in the past.

I’ve had my GPA suffer and had my focus in classes become adversely affected by lack of support from friends. And while having the support of friends is a beautiful thing, I have to believe in myself above all else. Because if I can’t do that, then I will always be holding myself back.

I need to believe in myself. Because the biggest barrier to success is myself. So I have to conquer my own inner demons before I can really reach my full potential.

Lately, a few of my friends have been worried for my personal well being and emotional state. Some have said that I’m an emotional trainwreck and that I’m a complete mess, but that if I keep walking through the road I’m on now, I’ll only be setting myself up for more pain. As difficult as it is, I must change the path that I am walking on and realize that I cannot be happy in the long term. I have been very happy in the short term, but that happiness has been interspersed with anger and very strong depression. I have lost control of my own emotions and I need to regain that control.

I only wonder, if the path that my friends have proscribed for me is the right one. Will it allow me to finally accomplish the goal I’ve been seeking all this time, or will it instead destroy me and set me on a path to blazing destruction? Only time will tell.

Though, for my own sake, I hope I am doing the right thing.

- Benson